If you’ve been around the block a few times with different diets, whether it be Atkins, Keto, Intermittent fasting, Paleo, Vegan or Dukan, you’ll know how important lasting results you can live with are.
This is where awareness helps. Mindfulness helps you develop a set of rules that work for you personally, simply by paying close attention to different foods and how they personally affect your body and make you feel. Lowering your carbs and improving your insulin sensitivity may help you achieve weight loss (I know it did for me). Yet how do we maintain the positive results over many years? WE need to develop a set of rules or guidelines that we can live with happily, in the real world and over the long term. Ad you may know, I lost my 20 pounds (10 kilos) twenty years ago, whilst living in France with a French family. Luckily, the same set of guidelines I used back then still work for me today, even during and post menopause. If you’re wondering what my basic “rules” are, they are:
After quitting gluten, I also realized how less bloated I was, which was a clear indication, in hindsight, that my body was intolerant to gluten. Therefore, I find that when we abstain from certain foods due to health reasons and we witness the benefits to our health, it is much easier to maintain over the long term. Truth is, many diets do achieve visible results in the short term but most are simply difficult to maintain over the long term, unless we feel so amazing that we want to eat this way forever. Low carb and keto diets get amazing results, there is no doubt because I’ve seen it many times with my own eyes, and yet, keto is very hard to do properly and for long periods of time. Again, every individual is different and if our body has difficultly in processing fat, or we simply need more carbs to fuel our lifestyles, then it’s up to us to learn to be extra mindful and read our body’s needs. Also if restricting carbohydrate intake too drastically results in feelings of desperation and increased cravings, then we need to think twice and consider what set of eating guidelines is sustainable over the long term.
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There are a lot of reasons why people get fat. Some of us have, I would say, a hgher food reward sensitivity (due to genetics or environment), and this tends to result in gaining more weight over time.
I see this in certain cultures around the world and different families as well. When we look to food as a dopamine (feel good hormone hit), we are often seeking out foods that offer little to zero health benefits. Overly processed reward foods are also expertly formulated to get you hooked with their addictive "bliss" points. It's common practice, at work or at school to offer a "special" - and often unhealthy - food as a reward for good behaviour or a job well done. Not only food, but alcohol as well in many workplaces, which, as we know, is basically liquid sugar, not to mention highly addictive as well. The food reward hypothesis suggest that constantly eating foods which lead to massive dopamine release (sugar is a prominent example) can cause people to overeat and gain weight. Truth is, many of us have been conditioned, since we were children, to use food as a reward. If we did well on a test at school? Let's go get ice-cream! We cleaned up our room? Now we get to have dessert with dinner! We won our basketball game? The candy starts flowing... This reward system can undermine our healthy eating habits. While we can't change the outside world, we as individuals, can learn to think twice, about accepting the free pizza or ice ceam on offer. Remember, just because some tasty food is being given to us, it doesn't oblige us to eat it! While living in the USA, I can't tell you how many times I collected my kids from school and they had pockets fulls of Hershey's kisses because they did something right at school that day. For a number of people, food is not only a reward, but it also elicits a powerful 'relaxation response'. So we can easily get into the habit of 'needing' some highly processed foods to unwind with after a long and arduous day at work or school. I call this the 'food coma', however, we need to be awake to stop this habit! Truth is though, that rewards could simply be verbal words of encouragement or a hug rather than gummi bears. Emotional hunger, or the need for connection, empathy, acknowledgement and compassion will never be filled by the phyical means of food. If you love a reward, try rewarding yourself in other ways too, other than food. My favorite ways include going to a movie, buying a new book I've been wanting, treating myself to a pedicure or simply a walk along the beach. Whatever it is, just know that, with our full awareness of the reward system that is entrenched in our society, we have choices as to how we want to be rewarded. Setting boundaries are essential to our self-care. Ultimately, if we say "yes" when we really mean "no" to do things when our schedule is already maxed out, or say "yes" when we're really not hungry, to food we really didn't want or need, we are disregarding our own needs, to please others. This is no bueno.
Once the resentment and feelings of overwhelm set in, we find ourselves running towards the cookie jar, because, somewhere deep down we feel violated when we lack firm boundaries. Truth is, many of us do not learn healthy boundaries growing up, especially if our caregivers didn't have healthy boundaries for themselves either. Boundaries are the emotional and physical borders we place between ourselves and other people. It's where we draw the line, and support ourselves in making good decisions for our personal wellbeing. The French have strict boundaries around only eating three meals a day and not snacking. With that said, within the boundary of meal times, there the French allow themselves tremendous freedom to eat a variety of foods, within the boundary of moderation. This approach worked beautifully for me, and continues to, after twenty plus years. This is because I can live with and sustain the boundaries I learned to set for myself. Better boundaries make for better eating. Boundary setting needs to be about whats right for us, not about pleasing others. We deserve to draw the line where we believe it needs to be drawn, simply for our own wellbeing. Any boundary we set is about what's best for us, not for anyone else. Oftentimes when we establish new personal boundaries for ourselves, it is met with resistance, especially when we break the bad news that someone can't overstep anymore. For example, some of my family memebers didn't enjoy the fact that I no longer want to eat cake at any time of the day. However, once they were convinced that I was loyal to my new boundaries and most importantly that I wasn't stopping them from doing their thing, Ithey simply stopped pressuring me. When we break the comfort zone by asserting a new boundary, it's important to be consistent and cofident in our decision. It's not our job to be concerned about or responsible for other people's reaction. Noses will be put out of joint. If friends/family members/boyfriends/work colleagues aren't ready to respect our boundaries, we may need to back off from them....until they learn and adjust. Bear in mind, we can't control other people's perceptions of us, however, we are in charge of our we perceive ourselves. We are powerful and not powerless in our decisions around food. Boundaries help remind people of what we are willing to condone. The good thing is that someone with good boundaries themselves will respect ours. For example, if someone comes to my house and chooses not to eat (for whatever reason), I respect their choice and am not offended at all. Likewise, if I decide not to drink alcohol at a party, a gracious host with good boundaries themselves, will not apply pressure for me to drink. If by chance we find ourselves being pressurred to violate our boundaries with food or drink, its; helpful to have an automatic response up our sleeve that rolls off the tongue. Something along the lines of; "I would like it if you could support me in eating/drinking the way I choose to" We need boundaries ultimately to preserve our equilibrium. Don't be afraid to set them and enforce them. Treat it as a game if you are met with resistance. Ultimately, its our body, our life and, as long as we are not hurting anyone, then who cares if people judge us for the boundries we set for ourselves? If you come from a family of persuasive "food pushers" who always managed to coerce you into eating a second helping of meatballs you weren't hungry for or devouring a cupcake when you really weren't craving it, don't panic.
There is light at the end of the tunnel. While you will need to be an advocate for your own health, rest assured, it will be fun, even if it often feels like a business negotiation. I know you are willing to strengthen your negotiation muscle if it means your health goals don't get derailed. Truth is, moving forward, the food pushing situation needs to be managed. Food pushers are everywhere. At work, at home, at parties. I want you to be able to handle any tricky food situation without it stressing you out. Let me share some strategies that work for me, so that you don't have to experience "eater's remorse" ever again if you don't want to. The only way to stay healthy when you have food pushers around is to be adamant about eating what and when you really want to. This means you have to speak up, clearly and assertively, when necessary. If you are in the habit of being a "people pleaser", rest assured, if I can change from chronic people pleasing, to politely assertive, you can too. My go to response is always "I think I'm satisfied, thank-you". Repeat as many times as needed. Often times, at a gathering, the problem is we feel obligated to try a bit of every dish, so that the people who brought it or cooked it know how much we appreciated their efforts. However, no-one knows our appetites better than we do. Therefore, only we can decide how much food we need. Let's look at it this way, if you had an operation to reduce your stomach, and more food would mean potentially vomitting, then NO would definitely mean NO, wouldn't it? Good news is, we can treat our body like we have a small stomach (because we do) and behave accordingly. Giving someone else control over your appetite is a recipe for an unhappy gut and a weight management problem. You don't need to argue for your rights, because its not their body and you are a grown up. You just need to assert your boundaries. You're no longer a child listening to a parent. Other responses to use to politely refuse food are;
If someone says something along the lines of "You're so skinny! Have some more. You don't eat enough!" You can turn it into a lighthearted teaching opportunity. Make a fist, hold up your hand and say "Did you know this is the actual size of your stomach?" It's amazing to think about how much we try to put in there. I don't enjoy feeling uncomfortable". Whatever it is you feel comfortable to say to food pushers, it's about saying it with force and conviction. It might lead to a short, uncomfortable silence, but they will understand they were too pushy and it won't happen again. If it does, rinse and repeat, until they get the message! Remember that food isn't the only way to celebrate, so be sure to enjoy yourself, all the while staying in your "feel good" zone with food. One of the biggest hurdles I see in clients maintaining a healthy weight and lifestyle is the ability to maintain balance, over the long term.
Equilibrium, which is a word used often in France, is, by definition, a balance between several different influences or aspects of a situation. In my mind, maintaining positive lifestyle changes and achieving a sense of balance in our lives is a constant, moving target. With this in mind, we need to be agile and know how to pivot, literally daily. We also need to know how to read ourselves - how we're feeling at any given moment, what's going on in our heads to make us want to eat in a certain way. Why are we feeling lethargic and lazy? Are we experiencing head hunger or true physical hunger? What are our underlying needs disguised as a craving? In my experience, it is rarely our body that gives up first wanting to eat well and exercise, it's our mind. Therefore, being acutely mindful and aware of our thoughts and feelings, results in an intimate relationship with ourselves and our intuition. Our intuition has always been there, we just lost touch with our bodies, based on "outside" authoritative diet rules, which most of us can't wait to rebel against anyway! Do we really want to be told what to eat? Most chronic dieter's intuitively know what a healthy, balance meal looks like. Pick up any health magazine and we find heaps of recipes. Let's face it, sometimes we burn the candle at both ends. Sometimes, life throws us a one-two punch. Sometimes, due to life circumstances, we are sleep deprived or exceedngly under pressure from work, illness, family, finances, personal relationships or just life in general. So, how do we keep it all together, when the proverbial sh*t hits the fan? Without wanting to sound simplistic, because, the answer has many layers, however, we simply come back to ourselves and continue to pay close attention. to ourselves and our needs. We practice leaning in...to ourselves and our personal needs at any given moment. You might be thirsty when you think you're hungry - have a large glass of water and wait then minutes. You might be overtired when you think you need a cupcake - take a power nap and wake up to a herbal tea. You might be stressed, angry, bored when you crave an entire bar of chocolate - distract yourself with uplifting music or a sitcom or talk it out with a good friend, before you devour chocolate in a stressed state of mind. It's truly not worth eating when you are stressed because often you miss the pleasure of the experience. To top it off, if we do this repeatedly, then we become more stressed because our jeans won't fit. It's a no win situation. Our intuition can take many, many years of a journey to reclaim. However, it is always there. Don't ignore it. Come home to your body. Feel it fully. Trust it. And it all starts with simple awareness. One of the most effective ways to learn to stop eating before feelings of discomfort arise is to eat with attention. When we dedicate our mind to one task at a time, such as eating a meal or snack, the satiety signals arrive earlier, because the feeling of fullness and satifaction and the signal to stop eating is emotional as well as physical.
The feeling of being satisfied by a meal is about much more than the actual food we choose. If we eat what we think we "should" instead of what we really fancy, we can be left strangley wanting more, because we ate "around" the craving. We need to pay attention to what our bodies really need, on any given day. Once the choice is made, then its important to pay attention to the smell, the taste, the texture and the satiety factor, in order to get the signal to stop eating. For example, if we eat a cup of popcorn versus and wedge of cheese or hard boiled egg, the satiety effect is totally different. We can easily eat and eat popcorn, as we often do at the movies, yet it's less easy to eat and eat hard boiled eggs, due to the protein, fat content and therefore the satiety factor. Also, because these foods stop hunger in it's tracks, when we are paying attention, we naturally don't have the need to keep mindlessly munching. Therefore food choices help us out and make it easy to eat less and experience increased satisfaction. This is good to know. For example, full fat Greek yoghurt also cuts hunger. In fact it's my "go too" when I'm still a little hungry at the end of a meal. After a small serve of Greek yoghurt, I feel completely satisfied and get the signal that I am done with the meal. So next time you eat, think about how you want to feel after eating and make choices based on the feeling you want to have, post meal or snack. Sometimes we have salt cravings, but do we need to eat an entire bag of potato chips to satiate the craving for salt? Or can we just put some good quality sea salt on a spoon and eat it? Same effect, yet a lot healthier. Or, sometimes we may want the chips.And that's OK. Having the chips is fine too, however, there is a caveat. The mindful way is to serve yourself is in a dish (as opposed to eating straight from a giant bag), take a seat, turn off all distractions, and dedicate yourself to savoring every single potato chip. Don't do anything else. Open all your senses as you eat. Look at the shape, the texture, notice the salt on each chip. Notice the flavors in your mouth. Listen to the sound of the crunch. It is very satisfying to eat this way. to eek out every last bit of pleasure from every. Single. Chip. Now, I'm not saying we can never allow ourselves popcorn while watching a movie. Personally I enjoy cooking popcorn at home with in coconut oil (healthy fat) and good salt, and enjoy it with my husband and kids while we watch a movie. However, it's good to know that popcorn (grain) is not very satiating and in fact corn is cheap and it is used to fatten up cattle before slaughter. All this to say that it's also good to pay attention to the nature and satiety effect of different food. Dedicate your mind to noticing food choices and how they make you feel. Armed with the knowledge of how different food affect our satiety levels, we are better equipped to make food choices that work for us rather than against us. Getting healthy means adopting new and different lifestyle habits compared to the daily habits that have gotten you where you currently are.
Learning to embody a naturally thin person, by adopting their way of thinking, moving and coping with stress is a key ingredient in permanent change. When you are trying to make changes intially, it really feels like temptation is everywhere. However, people who don't struggle with food or weight use their natural cues of hunger and fullness to guide their eating. In other words, there possess an inherent internal compass that guides their eating, and they remain finely attuned to it, often unconsciously. Because of this, they don't need to think about food all the time because they trust their bodies to let them know what, when and how much to eat. Equilibrium comes naturally to them, so for most naturally slim people, when asked "How do you stay so slim?" they honestly struggle to articulate why and often put it down to genetics or luck. These thin people traits are qualities that we can learn too, with mindfulness and active awareness. Granted, it will take conscious effort initially, but only until it gradually becomes so easy that you do it almost without effort and almost without thinking. As someone who comes from a family of obesity and as someone who has struggled with my weight, I can honestly say maintaining a healthy weight is not so much genetics as it is environment and embodying the habits of the naturally slim. When we learn to tune into huner and fullness cues and shrink our stomachs back down to their natural size, body changes do and will happen. If you don't believe me, just look at the way stomach banding has such a success rate, at least initially. This is because the reduced size of the stomach pouch literally forces us to honor the fullness signal. Also, being naturally slim is not necessarily about money, either. In fact, I know of a few billionaires who, even with all the money in the world to be able to eat the best food and have the best personal trainers, still struggle with their weight. Therefore, in my honest opinion, weight management is not as simple or one dimensional as genetics, money or even the right exercise plan. We've all known exercise fanatics who still struggle with their weight. Simply put, we can't outrun a bad diet and overeating. There is no secret to thinking, eating and moving like a naturally thin person, but there is a natural process to relearn how to do it. With that said, one trait I have observed in all naturally thin eaters is that they never feel guilty about eating. Their body trust is so great, that they are able to fully savor and derive maaximum pleasure out of eat bite. And because of this permission that they naturally give themselves, they are easily able to either stop when they've had enough, or, when they do overeat because the food tasted amazing, they will naturally recalibrate by eating lighter the next day or meal. What qualities have you observed about naturally thin eaters? Let me know in the comments! When we are forced to abstain from entire food groups on a diet, in effect we lose body trust and confidence in our ability to eat according to our own physical and psychological needs.
If you've ever tried to abstain from carbs, for example, it may work for a time and you may see good results initially. However, inevitably, one day you will go to a restaurant or a party serving birthday cake. You may even be excited or even anxious at the birthday party, and then, in a weak moment you encounter a "food pusher" who starts to apply some peer pressure on you to join in the festivities and eat a serving of birthday cake too. Even though you know you shouldn't, and you sworre to yourself you wouldn't, somewhere in the back of your mind, you think to yourself "life's too short". So you oblige and accept a helping of cake. Hesitantly, because, while birthday cake is not on your diet plan, in your mind, you secretly want to rebel against the "food rules" inflicted on you by this diet all because you need to live up to the societal expectations of being a certain "size" in order not to feel judged and ostracized by society. Next thing you know, after a few bites of delicious, but somewhat "sinful" cake (according to your current diet), the floodgates open. Before you know it, you can't stop/won't stop and there is literally NO CARB left behind. Sound famliar? I know it is because I've been there too. In fact, resistance always creates force. Truth is there is no diet that achieves miracles, that can be maintained over time. And when prohibition exists, desires are ceated that would possibly not exist without that prohibition. Mindful eating is about finding the middle ground.Since perfect eating does not exist, it is important to make choices that honor our health and satisfy our need for pleasure around eating as well. This is why I always say, if you are going to eat,go for quality and and savor every single bite. When we have a craving that feels insurmountable, it can be frustrating and even a little scary. When all we want to do to is lose weight and feel comfortable in our bodies, but we eat the hot fudge sundae anyway, the feeling of self sabotage can be heart breaking. In my mind, when this scenario happens again and again, I believe we have split energy. On the one hand, we want to have a healthy body weight and feel great, but on the other hand, we feel that we need "treats" in our life to feel happy, to brighten our day, relieve stress, help us cope with the mundane and the pressurres of life. One of my mentors, Geneen Roth, once wrote that it's not so much that we really want the hot fudge sundae, but more that we want our lives to to hot fudge sundaes! I feel this is symbolic of how most people live quiet lives of desperation and therefore, when faced with some delicious sweetness with a bliss point that is off the charts, then it"s sure hard to resist. Truth is, whether we are aware of it or not, most of us simply need and want the hot fudge sundae in our lives. I know I did. As a teen and all through my twenties, Icouldn't get enough. I was literally addicted to ice-cream and hot fudge. I simply couldn't turn one down and often I would seek out a McDonalds in whatever city I was in, just so I could get my fix. If you have ever hunted down certain foods when you have an insatiable craving, you can re;ate to the frenzy of the hunt. I often used to blame it on PMS, to justify my actions, until I realized acted tjis way more than a few days out of the month. Having said that, I have always been "hormonally challenged". I didn't know it at the time, but I was also suffering with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), which i found out years later is caused, essentially, by insulin resistance from excess sugar?carbohydrate consumption. It's funny to reflect on nowadays, but one of my casual jobs while I was at school was working in an ice-cream shop called Norgen Vas (very similar to Haagen Das). Anyway, this shop had the most amazing hot fudge sauce I had ever tasted. I used to love this job. I actually looked forward to it because, during my break at work, I would fill a small cup of the mouth watering, warm silky chocolate fudge and simply devour it, minus the ice-cream, almost to the point of feeling sick. Now, years later, I have to laugh. And yet I never stopped to question why this sauce had such power over me! You see, in hindsight they say we have 20/20 vision, and now I believe that sometimes we think we need these treats because without consuming them, our lives would be as good. In order to "let go" of filling ourselves with excess sugar we don't need, we truly need to be convinced, deep down to our core, that life will be just as rosy without the excessive consumption of whatever your sweet or savoury kryptonite may be. When it comes to self-sabotaging behaviours, rather than harshly criticizing yourself, I prefer you to simply observe, without judgement, and don't miss the lesson. Every perceived slip up is an opportunity to learn more about yourself and to go deeper into discovery of your own cravings, which, surprisingly, have nothing to do with food. Being a mindful eater means being a discerning food consumer. The truth is that the processed food industry is super competitive and hungry for profits at the expense of our health. Processed food companies, when formulating popular junk food products do not have our best health in mind.
The companies then expertly market junk food to us and engage in a certain form of mind games and NLP (neuro linguistic programming) so that we "give in to temptation". This is waht makes us continue to buy and get addicted to their products and continue to consume them for as long as we live. I mean, how many Coca Cola addicts do you know? And diet versions are no better. Aspartame is a known carcinogen. Now, I'm not saying these companies are deliberately evil and preying on the weak willed and easily manipulated. However, they are formulating, on purpose, a product designed to ensure consumers come back for more and more and more. Its up to us to be in charge of our choices and make a stand as to what and how much we choose to consciously consume. At the same time, bags of chips keep getting bigger because the companies know that once they are open, the whole bag will be consumed, yet the fine print stated that the serving size is only a fraction and what the average person consumes in one sitting. The processed food industry maintain that they are meeting a need for convenience, so it is really the consumers fault that we can stop at just one. However, according to the book "Sugar, Fat and Salt" by Micael Moss, the ultimate aim of companies, when formulating this processed food is to find the "bliss point", so that we get hoked and find it difficult to stop eating. Furthermore, because these highly processed foods and beverages are often devoid of nutrition, such as candy, soda pop and potato chips, they never fill us up or truly satisfy our hunger and thirst. This leaves us starngley unsatified and wanting more. When you understand why some foods are irresistable, you'll also understand what big food manufacturers of food devoid of nutritional value have done to our health and waistlines. Yet its important not to be a victim of the food industry. You see, nobody makes us buy and consume these foods. We can vote with our dollars as to whether we buy into the industry or not. We need to take our power back. Just because they are cheap, conveniet and often very addictive, doesn't mean we need to get hooked. Again, when we view these foods as "play foods", there is a time and place for them, preferably following real, whole, nutritious food, so that we don't feel the need to fill up on empty, nutritionless fake food. When our food environment is "weighted" against us, and sugar is more addictive than cocaine, with your newfound hyper awareness, you will start to cahnge the way you see food forever. In my mind, the problem of obesity and food addiction has a lot to do with the intentions of the food engineers who know how to get us addicted to their product with the perfect combo of salt-fat-sugar. It is a sobering realization when we wake up from the junk food coma. Once realized, you may find yourself wanting to turn to fresh fruit, vegatbles, fish, meat and healthy fats. You may feel inspired to cook your own food with real, nutritious ingredients. Naturally, overtime, your body will shrink as a consequence and your beauty will bloom. Oh and we cant forget to mention that the quality of your menal state improves dramatically along with your energy levels and life in general... |
AuthorG'day. Welcome to my blog, where I write about mindful eating. My name is Sally Asher and I'm a wellness author of three books. I hold a Health Science degree and have a passion for behavioral change. I live between South Florida and Melbourne with my husband and two teenagers. My husband and I run a real estate investment company. I love to help people eat mindfully and reconnect with the innate, intuitive sense of eating that we are all born with. ArchivesCategories |